How you know when to have "The Talk" with your child. . .

*Disclaimer: Read the title. If this is going to bother you, don't read it. Continue at your own discretion. ;)

This morning when Korvin woke up, he was playing and talking to himself. So we decided before getting up, to have some "Mommy/Daddy time."

After a few minutes, Korvin started screaming for someone to come and get him. All of the sudden, the door (which Patrick had locked) opened.

Kadence: Korvin's awake!
Me (whispering): I thought you locked the door!
Patrick (whispering while pulling the blanket up further): I did! (loudly to Kadence) Go out and close the door. We know he's awake. We'll be there in a minute.

She went out. She closed the door. No further comments, which for her is unheard of.

We got up. Our conversation went something like this.
Patrick: She didn't say anything else. She never does that.
Me: It'll be fine. We were cuddling, and you were helping me stretch. She'll buy that.
Patrick: But she didn't say anything else. . .

Patrick went to get Korvin while I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and thought about it. We've never lied to her. We're not starting now. Technically we were cuddling. Technically, he was helping me stretch. But we were going to have to give her more than that. The problem was figuring out how much to tell her, and how to do it, since she has a tendency to bring things up repeatedly. . .and randomly tell other people things.

Her first comment when they all came back in verified that I was correct in thinking we needed to explain things to her on her level. As I was changing Korvin's diaper, she ran up and started a conversation.

Kadence: I thought you were going to have another baby!
Me: What??
Kadence: I thought you were going to have another baby!
Me: Why would you think that?
Kadence: Because I want a little sister!

Awesome. I figured she was either thinking:

A. We just made her a little sister, because on some level, she knew exactly what we were doing.

Or

B. She heard something that made her think we were having her a little sister right then, and she didn't want to miss it. 

I looked at Patrick, trying not to laugh.

Patrick: Kadence, did you unlock our door?
Kadence: Yes.
Patrick: You're not supposed to unlock our door.
Kadence: But Korvin was awake!
Patrick: We know, and we were going to go and get him in a minute. Mommy and Daddy just needed a little time to ourselves.
Kadence: But what were you doing?
Me: We were cuddling, and daddy was helping me stretch.
Kadence: But why was he on top of you?
Me: Sometimes that helps me stretch more. My back feels much better now.
Kadence: So he was squishing you?
Me: Something like that.


I was trying not to burst out laughing, while being eternally grateful that she didn't walk in at any other point.

Once Korvin's diaper had been changed, I figured we'd head into the other room, sit down, and finish this conversation. Patrick and I were, however, unable to communicate about how we were going to handle it. So I tried to ask him in pig latin what he wanted to do. He couldn't keep up, so I texted him. "Should we explain things now before she's old enough to be traumatized, and before she has negative feelings about sex?" 

He nodded. "I was figuring we'd just tell her. There's nothing wrong with it."

The conversation went something like this:
Patrick: Kadence, sometimes Mommies and Daddies need time to be alone with each other. It's perfectly fine.
Kadence (getting weepy): But why wasn't someone alone with me in MY bed?
Me (realizing this was about Daddy, since the kids don't see him much during the week): Daddy came upstairs last night when he got home and tucked you in.
Kadence: But I didn't see him!
Patrick: You were asleep. I kissed you, and I told you I loved you. You said you loved me too, but you were SOO tired.
Kadence (giggles): You did? Ok.
Me: Ok, now Kadence. Mommies and Daddies need time just by themselves without babies, or kids, or anyone else. It's very important. You remember how Mommy was having a bad day yesterday?
Kadence: Uh-huh!
Me: Mommy had a really bad day yesterday, and needed some Mommy/Daddy time with just Daddy to do things that Mommies and Daddies do before we got up. Do you understand?
Kadence: No. Why was he on top of you?
Patrick: There are things that Mommies and Daddies just do together. It's ok, and it's perfectly normal.
Me: When Mommy and Daddy's door is locked, it's because we need some Mommy/Daddy alone time to cuddle like Mommies and Daddies do. You're not to unlock our door. You can knock, and we'll answer you, and we'll come out in a few minutes. But you are not to unlock our door. Do you understand?
Kadence: (pause) Yes. (pause) Can we watch TV? 

That is how 5 year olds let you know that their curiosity has been satisfied, and you can now move on with your day. . .but since this particular 5 year old ruminates, and then brings things up over, and over, and over again, we as her parents are more likely to be traumatized over this little event than she is. . .which is why I'm now having some Jameson with my coffee, and we're discussing installing a deadbolt for our bedroom door. ;)

I'm not necessary looking forward to when we have to have the REAL talk with her about all of this, but I think we'll handle it just fine when we do have to.